Lately
I decided to sign up for a full year contract with my DSL provider.
Before I wasn’t sure if I even wanted DSL, so for the last two years
I’ve been paying month to month about $25.00 fees included. Now that I
was ready to sign up for a full year I hoped to save about six dollars a
month on my bill because that’s the best deal they have to offer to new
subscribers and I’m better than a new subscriber, right? I’ve been
with them three years and I’ve paid my bill on time without fail. Can
the same be said of a new subscriber? Frankly I deserved a better deal.
I
set it up to begin negotiations at the end of January. If talks break
down then I have the full month of February to make new arrangements. I
started it off last week with a phone call to Customer Service/Sales.
At Level One I know I’m not getting any breaks here; no one at Level
One has the authority to cut a deal or even negotiate. I don’t
immediately ask to be transferred to a supervisor or to their retention
department. Let’s give them a chance to impress me by hearing what the
standard company offer is.
When
I tell the rep I intend to sign a one year contract I can immediately
sense her voice pick up. She’s looking at a sale and possibly a
commission. The rep reads off the offer to me and it’s $22.00 fees
included. It’s so close to what I want. I tell the rep I need just a
little more off the top. Maybe the rep can call a supervisor or someone
else to get the deal set up. I know I’m asking a lot from someone like
that, but you never know. Turns out the rep can’t make any deals and
the rep won’t try to make any other deal. The best I get from the rep
is “I’m sorry but a supervisor isn’t available to speak with you right
now. Would you like one to call you?” It’s better than nothing so I
set an appointment for this week to take a call from a supervisor. I
try to put it out of my mind but over the weekend I get an email from
the company documenting the call.
The
next week rolls around and I’m waiting for a call that never comes.
I’m downtown doing Jury Duty, so I can’t make a call that day. I make a
call the day after and everything starts off according to script. I
tell the rep what I want. The rep tells me what the rep told me last
week. I ask for a supervisor. I get the “I’m sorry but a supervisor
isn’t available to speak with you right now. Would you like one to call
you?” I insist to be put on hold to wait for a supervisor, and that’s
when things get strange.
I’m
thinking I’m on hold, so know I can do other things while waiting for
someone to pick up on their end. I start up a Code Academy lesson and
start learning how to code Javascript. Just as soon as I get started on
a lesson, someone picks up the line. Whoever it is doesn’t say
anything; it’s like they’re checking to make sure I’m still on hold.
The first few times this happens I ignore it, but then I realize if I
keep ignoring it they’re going to assume that I’m not on the line
anymore and hang up on me. So I’m still trying to work on a lesson and
every so often I’m screaming “Hello?” into the speakerphone. No one is
responding; the scene is starting to get pretty absurd.
I
pretty sure now that they’re doing this to me because of all that apps
that circumvent Customer Service Hell. Specifically the app that calls
you when Customer Service picks up. I imagine some petty bureaucrat
talking to another petty bureaucrat coming up with this very strategy to
circumvent the circumvention methods consumers can use. After about
ten minutes I just start talking and telling them about how unhappy this
is making me. Eventually they hear me and a Level One comes back on
the line. I tell them to stop doing whatever the hell it is they’re
doing and to just leave me on hold until a supervisor is ready to take
my call. I make it very clear that I won’t be going anywhere until I
can talk to a supervisor, and none of these tricks will stop me.
At
least now I won’t look like an idiot screaming into a speakerphone
every other minute. I’ll look like an idiot because I talk to the
supervisor who proceeds to tell me that their offer is their final
offer. They won’t even negotiate with me, but they will make a few
token attempts to make me feel better about the situation without
actually doing anything about it. Now I’m starting to show my temper a
little bit. Before I can get real steamed I just set my DSL to be
canceled at the end of the month; with luck someone from the company
will get a clue and get back to me before I jump ship to another
service.
Join me next week when I explore my options with ATT et al.
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